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...an Austin address! {Pardon me while I skip around the house some more!} What it isn't? Anything that changes the next two and a half [...]

It’s official! I have…
Circling Back
Heart’s Musings
I didn’t say it. But I did re-tweet it. And now I’m blogging it . And you know it’s true. But you know what’s better? THE [...]

the triple-take

February 22, 2012

…an Austin address!

{Pardon me while I skip around the house some more!}

What it isn’t? Anything that changes the next two and a half months. Our dream home. In our dream neighborhood. Next to the perfect schools.

For months we have had this near-nightly conversation:

Did you see the houses I sent you? (We alternate this line for fun)
Then the recipient lists all the ways it isn’t perfect.
Then I say: Can you just go look at it anyway?
And usually he does. And takes really bad pictures. (Because he loves me and doesn’t dare try to describe the color of the granite-ish counter tops)
And then we say…but the school. Or the traffic. Or really….way out/up/down/over there? (We alternate this one, too)
And we can’t decide.
I… because I can’t see it, can’t imagine myself in the space. And he is unwilling to commit to one that might lead to anything but bliss for me.
And then the conversation gets boring. And frustrating. Beyond tiresome.
So I beg…I just want to be there. In that city. I don’t care where.
Except I do.
And he just wants to be in the same city as me…not even sure it has to be Austin at this point.
Our stuff would be nice. Furniture. Art. Linens. Our music playing in our kitchen as we cook with our cookware.
Does that even exist anymore?

——————-

But spring break is looming. Nine days in ATX with four kids in mid-march will cost more than a mortgage payment.

I am going regardless.

So we just decided not to decide. And picked an apartment.

And it is perfect. So.

Even through really bad pictures, I can picture myself there. Our things. Our life.

We’ll pretend we are on vacation all summer and deal with the small space and use it as an excuse to get out and explore our new city. (As if that wasn’t the plan already.)

I am blissfully happy because in case you hadn’t heard…I have an Austin address. ♥

P.S. I also have some other exciting things to share…and might even post TWICE in one day.

Posted by Amanda on February 22, 2012 in austin, moving.

4 Comments

February 20, 2012

Circling Back

I have a few things on my to-do list ~~today~~ this week that I am dreading.

I believe in a red thread.

“An invisible red thread connects those destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstances. The thread may stretch or tangle, but never break.” - Ancient Chinese Proverb

People that we immediately recognize as ours to know. Others that we can’t shake and come back to time and again. People that we decide to include in who we are, where we are going, who we are becoming.

In… on that thought.

But the tangled and stretched part?

My biggest struggle.

Last summer, I wrote about tangled and stretched. I published it…and then hid it as a draft pretty quickly after. Too raw. Too present. Too much to have sat out for just anyone to read. A few weeks ago it popped back up. I ran a theme update and it came back from neatly hidden to the top of my reader and into the inbox of my subscribers. It happened on a Sunday morning and while I could remember the emotion behind the post, I didn’t remember the words. So I sat in a pew and read it. Crumbled by the longing behind it…by the truth it still rang. (But by the beauty of blogging, it touched someone’s heart and I decided just to leave it alone.)

But…I’ve recently been in contact with each person I wrote to that day. A bridge of intention. Coincidence. Small gesture. Me on the receiving end. Me… unsure of how to engage. My internal voice loudly shouting “You were never even really friends. They never loved you. They hardly even remember who you are.” Me… probably wrong, but too me to be more than polite and guarded. Me…un-comforted by their gesture because the fact remains that we are not friends now.

And on my to-do list sits a few gestures of bridge building. Not with anyone spoken of above. Not nearly as dramatic or emotional. Still dreaded. Other red-thread people who I know the right thing to do is to reach out and acknowledge that they have played a role in this spot I stand and give them the chance to decide if there is significance in our connection regardless of the circumstances that have been. Offer the chance to un-tangle, un-stretch.

And the chance for me to practice the thing that is harder than hard…circling back.