The last 6 weeks have been filled with huge changes. And while I am usually up for new adventures, I just want to go with it already. I don’t like phasing things in. Make a decision. Go. But life with four kids can be best described as moving at the speed of molasses. They meander. And it tries my patience.
I want to move now. I want to say our goodbyes. Cry. Celebrate. Figure out what the next version looks like, and just do it already. It will work…or it won’t. And then we will reinvent until it does. That’s mama’s style.
But this decision…to uproot…is not one that can be handled that way. We have kids now. They aren’t babies. They have been firmly planted here and we (and life) have thrown so many changes at them for the last few years that it just isn’t fair to do this at my speed. So sloooowwwww it is.
Slow is making me crazy. I can remind myself that the time will go quickly and that we have never made a decision based solely on what is best for our kids. It’s time for us to do just that. Not about a career, ministry, or chasing a dream. Just about our family. This decision to not go to atx TOMORROW is for them. And that is a gift I will gladly give them.
But it is hard. And have I mentioned it’s making me a little crazy?
But I casually said to grandma that I was thinking of going with J back to Austin on Sunday night just for a day away….if I could work out childcare….?
And she said no.
That I should go for the week.
And before I could burst into tears from sheer joy, she had arranged the crazy pickup/afterschool activities/managing life with four kids.
In my real life, I regularly have a day kid-free. I have a night off/out every week. I go away every couple of months for a night or two away. I carve out space to be something other than mama. That keeps me sane and makes me a much better mama. That disappeared when daddy moved four hours away and I gave up having my own house.
But even with all those things in place, I haven’t been away from my kids for more than two nights in 5 YEARS.
Can you guess how excited I am? Whatever you are estimating….double it!
I am going to have five unaccounted for days in one of my favorite cities. I can spend the day doing what.ever.I.want. Then I’ll meet daddy for dinner and we won’t have to talk over anybody or worry about unfinished homework or bedtimes.
So I’m making a list. (Because that’s what I do.) I might not do any of it. I might do all of it. But the whole point is that I have the option.
And I’m a little excited!!!!
I’m excited for you and Jason and for the kids too, Amanda. They will appreciate you that much more when you come home a slightly happier person…not that you are not happy, but a little time for you has it’s place. But as I read this and think of you all these past years, I’m going to be a loving mom and tell you that you are the base station not the four walls around you. God is awesome and if he says you really need to move to Austin, I should remind you that the most well balanced adults are the ones who have travelled in childhood. The only ones that are not happy for a new adventure are the ones whose parents feel guilty about uprooting them. Life is full of change and blessed are they that have the opportunity to see new things, to live in new beginnings, and still have the love of two parents. Or maybe just one because my kids will tell you that they always looked forward to a new adventure when I was a single mom for 12 years. They were amazingly excited about moving from the east coast to the west because my own excitement overcame the moving away from family. Don’t let guilt get in your way. Open your heart and let God show you the way. Loving you. In His Love PJ
Should totally come out to Liberty Hill and have lunch at my house! #CommentDay
Evin….assuming I can find Liberty Hill…..I’m there! I was going to invite myself….but you beat me too it. :)
What I would give for a guys weekend. I haven’t been away in a year and a half. I had plans fall through for next month and now I am going to go completely insane without that escape. Have fun!
#CommentDay
Make it happen dude! I am not a nice person when I have nothing to look forward to.
YAY!! I get to meet you soon!! :)
Absolutley! I HAVE to hold that squishy baby, too.
Of course ;).`
Amanda, I am closer to PJ’s ideas. I grew up “on the move,” went to 13 different schools before I graduated high school — three in one of the years. After being in Corpus for the longest we live anywhere — 4 years — my sister and I were actually excited when Dan changed jobs and it was time to experience yet another really small town and MEET NEW PEOPLE to challenge us both. We were always active and I graduated 6th in my class, despite or because? of it? Let God lead you and Jason entirely — listen to Him. He will let you know what is best for the 6 of ya’ll — not the 4 only! Have a greata week, you and Jason. Love, G. B
Hey, Amanda, that was DAD that changed jobs — not Dan. I have much to share with you one of these days—