The story {long}

If you had asked me a few years ago if we were moving from our little sparkling city by the sea, it would have been a resounding “no”.  In fact, I am pretty sure I touted that loudly before my best friend and I made a pact to raise our families together. It wasn’t that I loved this city so much I couldn’t imagine living anywhere else. We looked elsewhere. But this was home. The family who raised J was here. The tribe I had created for myself was here. We had roots. And our kids were being raised in a village.

I was raised as an only child by a single parent (whose addictions varied but never wavered) a thousand miles away from any family. When those addictions went from occasionally unmanageable to completely consuming, I was shipped back to Texas to a dad and grandmother I hardly knew. I spent my highschool years bouncing from my dad’s house, to my grandma’s house, to my mom’s house. (Usually within the same week.) Home was not something I had any concept of.

Home is my biggest aspiration. For my children. For myself.

But about 18 months ago, the church J was serving at was dreaming and making plans to relocate (central support) to a more central location. Read: San Antonio or Austin. And there was a bit of hesitation but we were ready.

We wouldn’t be doing this alone. There was a handful of families that would make the move and we would do it together. We would be each other’s tribe. We were beyond ready. It was this opportunity to be part of something bigger than our little family and we would live life in community with others who were committed to this same vision and ideal. Perfect.

Our lead pastor and his family made the move to Austin to lead the way and put down roots. And I started to pay attention. They have four kid and similiar parenting style and it was reassuring to have someone picking neighborhoods and schools and navigating life in this role….ahead of us.

Austin became something other than a spot we hurricationed  (read: a mini-vacation deemed necessary by threat of hurricane in which you can rightly use your emergency fund to finance).

Just as ATX was becoming more of a reality to us, I met someone who called Austin home. Their love for the city was infectious. And as it became my go-to for a break from mamahood, you can’t imagine how nice it was to have a virtual tourguide. Their knowledge of the city in my inbox made it fun instead of overwhelming to navigate a place eighteen gagillion times larger than the one I lived in.

Enter January.  Life reinvented itself for us as the church we worked for decided to reorganize and that we….and several other families…weren’t going to be part of that plan. The official email that went out to the families we served and the staff we worked alongside said we were moving to central Texas and would continue to be part of the ministry there. It was correct in that I wanted out of this city…but the rest was spin.

And so we searched. We applied for every job…qualified and over qualified and kind of qualified. Anywhere but here. Anywhere but the city where I was constantly dodging the “what happened” questions. Anywhere but the community my husband spent 70 hours a week sacrificially building into. Anywhere but where we felt like being the bigger person meant not setting the record straight.

And I wrote this as we pushed through. Believe me when I say I wanted to be anywhere but here. So we prayed and begged and hoped for a fresh start. And the answer was no. At the time it felt like “not ever”. All I knew was that it was no.

J found a job here. I tried to be cheerful and hold onto what were clearly blessings. Here. But I had already fallen in love with Austin and knew that is where I wanted to be.

That was hard to give up. I was firmly planted in {iwillneverloveanyoneagain}. I begrudgingly looked for a new church…a community to raise our kids in. I kept tightly to my tribe. I mourned a lot.

And even though J wasn’t thrilled with the new job, we started to breath a little deeper and settle back into life here. We found a church. That was huge for me. Once I made the jump, I quickly found myself part of the conversation about where the church was heading and how we would be part of that. I was quickly integrated and found places to use my gifts in ways that weren’t even considered at our last church. I could tell our story without hiding behind my sunglasses. We were serving together….something that we hadn’t manage to pull off in years.

I had come to terms with the fact that Austin would be a nice place to visit…a break from reality. One of the things that made my heart do a little dance at the possibility of living there was culinary school. And with the hope of living there gone, we begin to work out how I could make that happen still.

But on a whim J applied for a job on craigslist. We knew nothing about the company or the job. He seemed qualified, the money looked right, and culinary school would be much easier. It was completely impulsive and we didn’t even give it a second thought.

Two days later he had a phone interview, followed by a real interview, followed by a job offer. All within a week.

And if you guessed that I danced around the house with joy and total abandon…you would be wrong.

Really God? Now?

Four days into new schools for my kids?  Two months into a leadership role with a church we loved and had restored our faith in doing church again? Now when all the people I loved in atx weren’t speaking to me? Now when that church we gave so much of our life to was about to do it’s big launch in the neighborhood we wanted to live? Now when I am finally rebuilding a circle of people and new friendships  here?

Really God…now?

Yes… now.

I needed this last week in Austin. I still felt all those things.  There were moments were I desperately wanted to ask for advice that a year ago would have been easy and second nature. Moments were I was suddenly aware that awkward run-ins were a possibility. Moments were I found myself mapping out proximity in hopes of distance from people that were a part of my daily life not that long ago. And that just sucks.

But I needed the week because there was so much more. I spent an enormous amount of time with my sister in law, who even though we have been such for eight years we have never spent any real time together. And we are going to love living in the same city together. I know it. We are making plans and I am looking forward to it.

I spent some time with women who even though I had never met, welcomed me warmly and reached out in gestures of friendship. They had no idea how much I needed that.

And daddy and I dreamed, planned and looked forward to a new life in this city that I really do love….and that has totally had it’s way with him.

There are still big questions…like middle schools and where to have brunch this  Sunday. It isn’t the move I had planned..but I’ll take it.

I have a ton of stories and pictures about the week that I can’t wait to share.

So I’ll leave you with two for now…. Lunch with two sweet new friends (and a subsequent shopping trip with a tale to come). And a night out with Letty (that might have involved the plans to protest something in the near future, my first margarita, and walking down 2nd street barefoot).

(And yes I was feeling the stripes this week.)